Quarterly Review

Itz really shameful. Out of the goals i set out for 2008, i managed to succeed none. Promises, goals and aspirations all seem transparent. Never once did i set my heart out to do it. Indulging in day to day pleasure, ignoring future. Burying myself with momentarily happiness, i blinded myself.

Today i asked myself again. How old am i? Where am i now? What am i doing now? Where will i be 2-3yrs down the road? I look up... it was a pitch of darkness. I see no beacon of light, i see no future. So now i asked myself... what do i wanna be? Where do i wanna be? What do i wanna do? Big ego answers.... but can i do it? can i set myself to do it? can i achieve it? Do i have to drive n determination to do it? Perhaps i'm always in my comfort zone tat i never bother abt my future. Time to do something rite? chucklez...

Jac is out of my life. Someone new came in. She is indeed a very nice gal but am i worthy for her? Her lifestyle is not really similar to mine. Her status is perhaps higher than mine. Are we compatible? Perhaps all these qns are bothering her as well. Sigh... i dunno... time to think of my career first.... lemme concentrate on wat i wanna do n let me be where i wanna be.... then think of r/s. But yet, i am deeply entrenched in her net tat the harder i try to get out, the deeper i get stucked. I cant ignore this feeling.

God, i put my trust in u. I leave my life with u. Pls guide me into making a rite decision for i have made many wrong decisions in life thus far. Pls bless me with the wisdom to do wat is rite, grant me favour in people's eyes. I thank you for all these blessings. If you are for me, who can be against me. In jesus name, i pray, amen!

Me n My 30 goals for 2008

1) Quit Smoking
2) Be top producer of TKA
3) Gain back my pride, ego and respect.
4) Lose 15kg
5) Get a car latest by Sep
6) Bring my parents overseas
7) Earn 110k for this yr
8) Qualify for Rome by Aug
9) Be more religious
10) Wake up at 730am every morning
11) Move up management
12) Be more humble
13) Love my frenz
14) Take care of my parents
15) Be top in synergy
16) Forget abt her
17) Keep my room spick n span
18) Bring my parents out for dinner every week
19) Have a great expensive dinner with family on their birthdays
20) Love my family more than they love me
21)............. 30) still thinking

You're Beautiful + Goodbye My Lover

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

La la la la la la la la la

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.


BYE BYE!!!

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Welcoming 2008

I remembered welcoming 2007 was a heartache for me. Affairs of the heart what else... Come welcoming 2008, lightning can strike twice. So i guess it's time to stop this vicious cycle. I dun wan to spend every x'mas, new yr down n out over r/s problems anymore. Whatever happened in 2007 will remain in 2007. I am starting afresh in 2008.

I have decided to set at least 30 goals for 2008. I will list them down by tmr noon and i will achieve them. In another 7 hrs or less, i will bid goodbye to 2007. Whatever things tat has gone wrong, happened, tears tat were shed will be forgotten n buried.

Starting the yr on a rite note is impt. I will start the yr happy, refreshed, charged up n looking forward to my new challenge. Itz time to manage my career n family. Once i can manage these, then its time to talk abt r/s. I will not go searching for it. I will wait.... for the rite one to appear. To be honest, i never believe in someone being the rite one. Itz always abt someone whom u can get along, has some chemistry n happen to be at the rite place, at the rite time. Itz time to leave watever feelings i am still having in 2007. Come 0001hrs 2008, the phoniex... erm... fat one... will rise from ashes.... see me glow n fly in 2008.... maybe abit slower la... cos fat mah... haha... cheers!!!

All the best to those who knows abt this blog. May all ur dreams come true! Living the dream.. manulife financial??? hehe

Keith 1713

"When Love And Hate Collide"

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby, united we fall

Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

[Repeat Chorus]

[SOLO]

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

不想再为谁去等候

人生有许多难关要过
自古是情关最让人难受
也许我命中注定情海中颠簸
为你我付出这么的多
却让我痛到有苦不能说
因为我爱你就像那飞蛾扑向火
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄着了魔
解开我的迷惑
收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多
心也早已伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候

无奈

心中好像放下了你但为什么脑海仿佛有千万个你。叫我不想你也难，曾经你是我的最爱。 也许现在还是。我真的对爱情失去了信心。我不敢再坠入情网，应为我真的再也输不起了。为什么我爱的最深的人却伤我最深。想想如果我爱得不深，你又如何伤我最深呢?

对爱失去了信心，我就好像把幸福的这扇门关得紧紧。有谁可以再把它打开呢? 我不知道也不敢妄想。希望会有一个她让我再给爱一个机会。。。。。。是你吗? 哈哈。。。。 无奈的笑，苦中作乐。

开心的起身，开心的一天

I woke up this morning feeling very tired. The first thing i did was to sms a primary school fren i knew for 19yrs. Though we have known each other for 19years, we din really keep in touch or anything. Juz tat we happen to bump into each other several times but this time on x'mas eve when i was feeling all down n out. We exchanged numbers n started to contact each other more. I told her abt my sad love story n being a very nice person, she listens n tries to entertain me. haha... Thankz ah... HONG LIPING! dun say i never write abt u.

Its been a while since i listen to something hip hop or happy in the morning. Past few weeks had always been some sad love songs. Strangely, laws of attraction really do work! All the songs i listen on youtube, randomly.... seems to suit my situation n feelings then. So this morning i decided to have a change! i listened to Sean Kingston, Beautiful girls!!!! it brightens up my day n hopefully the whole of today i will be happy!

I believe i had let go off another stone in my heart. Perhaps this is really better for all of us. Moving on is the way to go. I think my engine has started. I will catch up... dun worry. Cheers n happy new yr to all!!!! :D

我们不过是彼此生命中的过客。

过了这么久，伤了这么久，我想一切都应该结束了吧。不能留你在身旁不如就让你自由自在的飞翔。绑着你的人不是你的心，那又为何。既然你心已定，我就不该再来纠缠你，搞的你不安不快乐。勇敢去爱他。

坦白说，这些日子里最痛苦难过伤心的是我。至少你还有一个快乐的理由。我根本没有了快乐的理由。他就更不有说了。赢了你的心又赢了你的人他会痛苦到哪里去。希望他是真的爱你，会好好待你，疼你 和照顾你。

不必为我担心。日子还是要过。我不会再为你掉一滴泪，也不期盼你的回来。应为我终于想通了。我们是不可能回到从前。是时候放下我心中的包袱，寻找我的新希望。你一定要证明给我看，你的选择是对的。应为我还是要你开心和幸福。

你要保护自己。

痛是什麽感觉
是想呐喊却无言
心被你一片一片
撕下还不肯破裂
是谁让你转变
不再留恋我的体贴
你用背叛告别从前
我只想对你更好不埋怨
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
熬过宽容的疲惫
幸福会给我抚慰
心疼你的泪水
原谅你的不对
只求交心
不苛求完美
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
你会让我不后悔
这样把你宝贝
但你却教会我懂爱你可悲
爱不在了
做什麽都枉费

COME WHAT MAY - Ewan & Nicole Kidman

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to varnish inside your kiss

Everyday I love you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings?

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change winter to spring

But I love you until the end of the time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide

Sing out this song and i will be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather and star may collide

But I love you until the end of the time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may

I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Yes this was ur so-called our song. But i can say it is still my song for u. I duno how long will it last. I dunno how strong will it stay. As of now, it is as before if not stronger. Faults are thick wre love is thin. What fault is there? i dunno. Love is thin... maybe... but my love for u grew and remains deep. Dun ask me y cos i dun even know y. Why am i getting so upset over u? Why did i cry 4 times over u? i dun even have an answer.

想起你有快乐也有伤心。叫我不想你我又做不到。 戏如人生， 人生如戏。 也许有一天这首歌终究是我们的歌。

Back to Normal... i'm trying

I ate heartily and joked alot. Things seem to be normal n me back to my normal self. Always cheerful n laughing. However deep down i know tat my heart is still very heavy. I am still unable to let go. Perhaps wat he said is rite. My ego is punctured, my heart is broken n i am totally clueless. The combination of these will result in 2 possibilities. Either i become stronger or i become wasted. He told me tat i have to break out from this event. Let it go n become stronger. Otherwise, my life will go from back to worse.

I realized these days i have neglected my work n my face tells people ard me how i'm feeling. I also realized tat if i continue to do wat i am doin, it juz proves tat her decision to leave is right. I have to change, change for the better. Make her realize tat her decision to leave me is wrong. Then again, if we are still together, i may not be wat i will be in the future.

I told myself to let it go. It is not goin to be easy. Putting in the whole of my heart slowly and having to remove it all at once. Though in the eyes of others, i am in no wrong but deep down i know tat i have my faults too. As i said before, a failure of a r/s is always due to 2 parties. It cant be juz one.

Everyday my mind is still abt her. When i'm free i want to sms or call her. When i see her on msn i wan to msn her. But i know if i do all these, there is no way i can let her go. I need to control my emotions and let her go. Maybe one day she will return, maybe she will not. But i know when her love for me will dissipate slowly n day by day. My wait for her will be fruitless but at the moment i guess my best move is to wait n be there whenever she needs me. Bury myself with work is wat i will do. Hopefully i will grow out from this.

我真的无法手放开。

有人这样说:

"有些失去是注定的，有些缘分是永远不会有结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，拥有一个人就一定要好好去爱她。。人生的聚会是一种缘分，有时分离也是一种爱的祝福。。"

有时我也有同感。如果她已做了选择不如离开让她快乐。但有时我又会问自己我错在哪，我真的无法让她快乐吗? 也许现在她认为能给她幸福的不是我，应为她自己知道自己的幸福与快乐会从谁的身上得到。但若没他的出现我们不是过得很幸福恩爱吗? 他偷走了她的心，霸占了在她心中属于我的位子。难道我就不能设法偷回她的心吗?

爱虽然应该伟大，离开作为祝福。不过不去争取又知道谁是真心对她，谁会永远照顾她，疼爱她，体谅她，永远不抛弃她。我答应过我不会欺负她，不会离开她。虽然已经是普通朋友，我们都知道在彼此心里都有所遗憾和挂念。就是已经是普通朋友，再去争取才能让她了解我对她的爱是如此的深。只要她开口叫我不要纠缠她，我会真正的离开和祝福。爱是不能礼让，爱是要去争取。要爱就勇敢去爱。结局是喜是悲，至少我知道我已尽力了。今日的再见也不代表永远的分离。我会等。

等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变(what can i do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说i only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱
暂时收不回来
so i 我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

你还想我吗?

与你的交谈，我觉得我们好像疏远了。我们真的疏远了还是你还存有顾虑? 我不知道是好还是坏。还是我对你说的话有所影响?其实我不想再干扰你的世界但我不能就轻易的放弃。我常常对别人说爱就勇敢去争取，不要回头看时带有后悔。我也跟别人说爱一个人不是拥有而是看到她幸福快乐。你会幸福快乐吗? 只有你自己会知道。时间或许能解开答案但时间也能让爱慢慢消失。我对你的爱是否能经得起时间的考验就让我们拭目以待吧。你的选择是否对或错，也就让时间来告诉我们吧。我依然深爱着你。

(You are so beautiful to me~~)
在我眼裡妳永遠最美
連妳一個微笑也都會讓我醉
妳所謂的幸福我想給
以為手不放開就是痴心絕對 太愚昧
難道 笑容沒了 距離有了 快樂也走了
還是 真心死了 彼此不信任了
終於懂了 真的
很想說有妳是幸福的
很想說我的心是妳的
很想說妳真的誤解了
很想說妳真的忘記了
My Love~

笑容沒了 距離有了 快樂也走了
還是 真心死了 彼此不信任了
終於懂了 真的
很想說有妳是幸福的
很想說我的心是妳的
很想說妳真的誤解了
很想說妳真的忘記了
很想說會好好疼妳的
很想說愛妳是自由的
很想說妳是否聽見了
很想說妳真的忘記了 愛了
就有堅持理由 別說
我會留在路口 不會走 愛妳會直到最後
很想說有妳是幸福的
很想說我的心是妳的
很想說妳真的誤解了
很想說妳真的忘記了
很想說會好好疼妳的
很想說愛妳是自由的
很想說妳是否聽見了
很想說我們可不可以復合

爱情往往让人做傻事。

十二月十九日我们分离。离开时的我心情十分低落与沉重。毕竟当我们在一起时我们度过了许多欢乐。你带给我生活的新意义。让我觉得世界是多么的美丽和完美。

好景不长在。我们竟然分离。自今的我还无法接受你的不在，还苦苦的期盼你的回来。常常装上笑脸的我是不想让你内疚和难过。多希望自己能把痛苦都往心里塞。但我知道你了解我心里的伤。我的难过不是应为失去了你，不是我不甘心输了给他。而是应为我再也无法在你生命里扮演一个重要的角色。无法再带给你欢笑与快乐。无法再与你分享你的乐于愁。

心里太多的不舍但又不得不让你走。这些感伤又有谁知，有谁了解。只好默默的承受心里一直压抑的感触，祝福你能找到你要的快乐。

对你的爱无法就这样删除，我该忍痛的离去还是勇敢的去争取? 又有谁能告诉我?就算有人告诉我，难道他不会错吗?