My New Chapter

Quarterly Review

2008-04-08T00:41:00.000-07:00

Itz really shameful. Out of the goals i set out for 2008, i managed to succeed none. Promises, goals and aspirations all seem transparent. Never once did i set my heart out to do it. Indulging in day to day pleasure, ignoring future. Burying myself with momentarily happiness, i blinded myself.

Today i asked myself again. How old am i? Where am i now? What am i doing now? Where will i be 2-3yrs down the road? I look up... it was a pitch of darkness. I see no beacon of light, i see no future. So now i asked myself... what do i wanna be? Where do i wanna be? What do i wanna do? Big ego answers.... but can i do it? can i set myself to do it? can i achieve it? Do i have to drive n determination to do it? Perhaps i'm always in my comfort zone tat i never bother abt my future. Time to do something rite? chucklez...

Jac is out of my life. Someone new came in. She is indeed a very nice gal but am i worthy for her? Her lifestyle is not really similar to mine. Her status is perhaps higher than mine. Are we compatible? Perhaps all these qns are bothering her as well. Sigh... i dunno... time to think of my career first.... lemme concentrate on wat i wanna do n let me be where i wanna be.... then think of r/s. But yet, i am deeply entrenched in her net tat the harder i try to get out, the deeper i get stucked. I cant ignore this feeling.

God, i put my trust in u. I leave my life with u. Pls guide me into making a rite decision for i have made many wrong decisions in life thus far. Pls bless me with the wisdom to do wat is rite, grant me favour in people's eyes. I thank you for all these blessings. If you are for me, who can be against me. In jesus name, i pray, amen!

Me n My 30 goals for 2008

2007-12-31T22:32:00.000-08:00

1) Quit Smoking
2) Be top producer of TKA
3) Gain back my pride, ego and respect.
4) Lose 15kg
5) Get a car latest by Sep
6) Bring my parents overseas
7) Earn 110k for this yr
8) Qualify for Rome by Aug
9) Be more religious
10) Wake up at 730am every morning
11) Move up management
12) Be more humble
13) Love my frenz
14) Take care of my parents
15) Be top in synergy
16) Forget abt her
17) Keep my room spick n span
18) Bring my parents out for dinner every week
19) Have a great expensive dinner with family on their birthdays
20) Love my family more than they love me
21)............. 30) still thinking

You're Beautiful + Goodbye My Lover

2007-12-31T22:27:00.000-08:00

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

La la la la la la la la la

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

BYE BYE!!!

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Welcoming 2008

2007-12-31T01:04:00.001-08:00

I remembered welcoming 2007 was a heartache for me. Affairs of the heart what else... Come welcoming 2008, lightning can strike twice. So i guess it's time to stop this vicious cycle. I dun wan to spend every x'mas, new yr down n out over r/s problems anymore. Whatever happened in 2007 will remain in 2007. I am starting afresh in 2008.

I have decided to set at least 30 goals for 2008. I will list them down by tmr noon and i will achieve them. In another 7 hrs or less, i will bid goodbye to 2007. Whatever things tat has gone wrong, happened, tears tat were shed will be forgotten n buried.

Starting the yr on a rite note is impt. I will start the yr happy, refreshed, charged up n looking forward to my new challenge. Itz time to manage my career n family. Once i can manage these, then its time to talk abt r/s. I will not go searching for it. I will wait.... for the rite one to appear. To be honest, i never believe in someone being the rite one. Itz always abt someone whom u can get along, has some chemistry n happen to be at the rite place, at the rite time. Itz time to leave watever feelings i am still having in 2007. Come 0001hrs 2008, the phoniex... erm... fat one... will rise from ashes.... see me glow n fly in 2008.... maybe abit slower la... cos fat mah... haha... cheers!!!

All the best to those who knows abt this blog. May all ur dreams come true! Living the dream.. manulife financial??? hehe

Keith 1713

"When Love And Hate Collide"

2007-12-31T01:03:00.000-08:00

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby, united we fall

Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

[Repeat Chorus]

[SOLO]

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

不想再为谁去等候

2007-12-30T23:35:00.000-08:00

人生有许多难关要过
自古是情关最让人难受
也许我命中注定情海中颠簸
为你我付出这么的多
却让我痛到有苦不能说
因为我爱你就像那飞蛾扑向火
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄着了魔
解开我的迷惑
收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多
心也早已伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候

无奈

2007-12-30T04:10:00.001-08:00

心中好像放下了你但为什么脑海仿佛有千万个你。叫我不想你也难，曾经你是我的最爱。也许现在还是。我真的对爱情失去了信心。我不敢再坠入情网，应为我真的再也输不起了。为什么我爱的最深的人却伤我最深。想想如果我爱得不深，你又如何伤我最深呢?

对爱失去了信心，我就好像把幸福的这扇门关得紧紧。有谁可以再把它打开呢? 我不知道也不敢妄想。希望会有一个她让我再给爱一个机会。。。。。。是你吗? 哈哈。。。。无奈的笑，苦中作乐。

开心的起身，开心的一天

2007-12-29T18:34:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning feeling very tired. The first thing i did was to sms a primary school fren i knew for 19yrs. Though we have known each other for 19years, we din really keep in touch or anything. Juz tat we happen to bump into each other several times but this time on x'mas eve when i was feeling all down n out. We exchanged numbers n started to contact each other more. I told her abt my sad love story n being a very nice person, she listens n tries to entertain me. haha... Thankz ah... HONG LIPING! dun say i never write abt u.

Its been a while since i listen to something hip hop or happy in the morning. Past few weeks had always been some sad love songs. Strangely, laws of attraction really do work! All the songs i listen on youtube, randomly.... seems to suit my situation n feelings then. So this morning i decided to have a change! i listened to Sean Kingston, Beautiful girls!!!! it brightens up my day n hopefully the whole of today i will be happy!

I believe i had let go off another stone in my heart. Perhaps this is really better for all of us. Moving on is the way to go. I think my engine has started. I will catch up... dun worry. Cheers n happy new yr to all!!!! :D

我们不过是彼此生命中的过客。

2007-12-29T04:35:00.000-08:00

过了这么久，伤了这么久，我想一切都应该结束了吧。不能留你在身旁不如就让你自由自在的飞翔。绑着你的人不是你的心，那又为何。既然你心已定，我就不该再来纠缠你，搞的你不安不快乐。勇敢去爱他。

坦白说，这些日子里最痛苦难过伤心的是我。至少你还有一个快乐的理由。我根本没有了快乐的理由。他就更不有说了。赢了你的心又赢了你的人他会痛苦到哪里去。希望他是真的爱你，会好好待你，疼你和照顾你。

不必为我担心。日子还是要过。我不会再为你掉一滴泪，也不期盼你的回来。应为我终于想通了。我们是不可能回到从前。是时候放下我心中的包袱，寻找我的新希望。你一定要证明给我看，你的选择是对的。应为我还是要你开心和幸福。

你要保护自己。

2007-12-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

痛是什麽感觉
是想呐喊却无言
心被你一片一片
撕下还不肯破裂
是谁让你转变
不再留恋我的体贴
你用背叛告别从前
我只想对你更好不埋怨
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
熬过宽容的疲惫
幸福会给我抚慰
心疼你的泪水
原谅你的不对
只求交心
不苛求完美
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
你会让我不后悔
这样把你宝贝
但你却教会我懂爱你可悲
爱不在了
做什麽都枉费

2007-12-28T12:21:00.000-08:00

COME WHAT MAY - Ewan & Nicole Kidman

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to varnish inside your kiss

Everyday I love you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings?

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change winter to spring

But I love you until the end of the time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide

Sing out this song and i will be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather and star may collide

But I love you until the end of the time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may

I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Yes this was ur so-called our song. But i can say it is still my song for u. I duno how long will it last. I dunno how strong will it stay. As of now, it is as before if not stronger. Faults are thick wre love is thin. What fault is there? i dunno. Love is thin... maybe... but my love for u grew and remains deep. Dun ask me y cos i dun even know y. Why am i getting so upset over u? Why did i cry 4 times over u? i dun even have an answer.

想起你有快乐也有伤心。叫我不想你我又做不到。戏如人生，人生如戏。也许有一天这首歌终究是我们的歌。

Back to Normal... i'm trying

2007-12-28T02:50:00.000-08:00

I ate heartily and joked alot. Things seem to be normal n me back to my normal self. Always cheerful n laughing. However deep down i know tat my heart is still very heavy. I am still unable to let go. Perhaps wat he said is rite. My ego is punctured, my heart is broken n i am totally clueless. The combination of these will result in 2 possibilities. Either i become stronger or i become wasted. He told me tat i have to break out from this event. Let it go n become stronger. Otherwise, my life will go from back to worse.

I realized these days i have neglected my work n my face tells people ard me how i'm feeling. I also realized tat if i continue to do wat i am doin, it juz proves tat her decision to leave is right. I have to change, change for the better. Make her realize tat her decision to leave me is wrong. Then again, if we are still together, i may not be wat i will be in the future.

I told myself to let it go. It is not goin to be easy. Putting in the whole of my heart slowly and having to remove it all at once. Though in the eyes of others, i am in no wrong but deep down i know tat i have my faults too. As i said before, a failure of a r/s is always due to 2 parties. It cant be juz one.

Everyday my mind is still abt her. When i'm free i want to sms or call her. When i see her on msn i wan to msn her. But i know if i do all these, there is no way i can let her go. I need to control my emotions and let her go. Maybe one day she will return, maybe she will not. But i know when her love for me will dissipate slowly n day by day. My wait for her will be fruitless but at the moment i guess my best move is to wait n be there whenever she needs me. Bury myself with work is wat i will do. Hopefully i will grow out from this.

我真的无法手放开。

2007-12-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

有人这样说:

"有些失去是注定的，有些缘分是永远不会有结果的。爱一个人不一定要拥有，拥有一个人就一定要好好去爱她。。人生的聚会是一种缘分，有时分离也是一种爱的祝福。。"

有时我也有同感。如果她已做了选择不如离开让她快乐。但有时我又会问自己我错在哪，我真的无法让她快乐吗? 也许现在她认为能给她幸福的不是我，应为她自己知道自己的幸福与快乐会从谁的身上得到。但若没他的出现我们不是过得很幸福恩爱吗? 他偷走了她的心，霸占了在她心中属于我的位子。难道我就不能设法偷回她的心吗?

爱虽然应该伟大，离开作为祝福。不过不去争取又知道谁是真心对她，谁会永远照顾她，疼爱她，体谅她，永远不抛弃她。我答应过我不会欺负她，不会离开她。虽然已经是普通朋友，我们都知道在彼此心里都有所遗憾和挂念。就是已经是普通朋友，再去争取才能让她了解我对她的爱是如此的深。只要她开口叫我不要纠缠她，我会真正的离开和祝福。爱是不能礼让，爱是要去争取。要爱就勇敢去爱。结局是喜是悲，至少我知道我已尽力了。今日的再见也不代表永远的分离。我会等。

等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变(what can i do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说i only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱
暂时收不回来
so i 我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

你还想我吗?

2007-12-26T17:41:00.000-08:00

与你的交谈，我觉得我们好像疏远了。我们真的疏远了还是你还存有顾虑? 我不知道是好还是坏。还是我对你说的话有所影响?其实我不想再干扰你的世界但我不能就轻易的放弃。我常常对别人说爱就勇敢去争取，不要回头看时带有后悔。我也跟别人说爱一个人不是拥有而是看到她幸福快乐。你会幸福快乐吗? 只有你自己会知道。时间或许能解开答案但时间也能让爱慢慢消失。我对你的爱是否能经得起时间的考验就让我们拭目以待吧。你的选择是否对或错，也就让时间来告诉我们吧。我依然深爱着你。

(You are so beautiful to me~~)
在我眼裡妳永遠最美
連妳一個微笑也都會讓我醉
妳所謂的幸福我想給
以為手不放開就是痴心絕對太愚昧
難道笑容沒了距離有了快樂也走了
還是真心死了彼此不信任了
終於懂了真的
很想說有妳是幸福的
很想說我的心是妳的
很想說妳真的誤解了
很想說妳真的忘記了
My Love~

笑容沒了距離有了快樂也走了
還是真心死了彼此不信任了
終於懂了真的
很想說有妳是幸福的
很想說我的心是妳的
很想說妳真的誤解了
很想說妳真的忘記了
很想說會好好疼妳的
很想說愛妳是自由的
很想說妳是否聽見了
很想說妳真的忘記了愛了
就有堅持理由別說
我會留在路口不會走愛妳會直到最後
很想說有妳是幸福的
很想說我的心是妳的
很想說妳真的誤解了
很想說妳真的忘記了
很想說會好好疼妳的
很想說愛妳是自由的
很想說妳是否聽見了
很想說我們可不可以復合

爱情往往让人做傻事。

2007-12-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

十二月十九日我们分离。离开时的我心情十分低落与沉重。毕竟当我们在一起时我们度过了许多欢乐。你带给我生活的新意义。让我觉得世界是多么的美丽和完美。

好景不长在。我们竟然分离。自今的我还无法接受你的不在，还苦苦的期盼你的回来。常常装上笑脸的我是不想让你内疚和难过。多希望自己能把痛苦都往心里塞。但我知道你了解我心里的伤。我的难过不是应为失去了你，不是我不甘心输了给他。而是应为我再也无法在你生命里扮演一个重要的角色。无法再带给你欢笑与快乐。无法再与你分享你的乐于愁。

心里太多的不舍但又不得不让你走。这些感伤又有谁知，有谁了解。只好默默的承受心里一直压抑的感触，祝福你能找到你要的快乐。

对你的爱无法就这样删除，我该忍痛的离去还是勇敢的去争取? 又有谁能告诉我?就算有人告诉我，难道他不会错吗?

2007-12-25T18:20:00.000-08:00

你笑着说
他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔
我的不安那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我
是我想太多
你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多
我也这样说这是唯一能安慰我的理由
他霸占了你的心中属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我
是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我没有错怪了什么
虽然你不说或许错在我
太晚我才懂爱了你太多
是我想太多你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说这是唯一能安慰我的理由

我给你的自由变成自己的伤害。

还在寻找
曾经每次你对我的好
还在祈祷
最爱的你回到我怀抱
听不到
你不知道我有多难熬
没有预兆
其实我想你一分一秒
守着你的誓言
风在笑
抱着你的回忆
泪在掉
爱过的每一秒都是煎熬
难道你真的忍心忘就忘掉
守着你的誓言
风在笑
抱着你的回忆
泪在掉
舍不得你走掉
你走了....

你说你要想但你已有了决定，你走了。

你的爱很像泡沫
太轻或太重都不在手中
我的爱就像天空
太放或太收你都只是风
你来过却爱上自由
你出走我不问理由
等你再爱我
总有个角落会让你想起我
向右或向左都有我站在这里守候你
留下很多
够我面对寂寞
寂寞不重
重是爱太多
当你回头看到的一定是我

我真的会好好过。

你哭着拿下银手链还我的时候
最近你躲我有了理由
别说我的爱让你惭愧不配拥有
珍惜不就是温柔
但你说抱歉爱上了我的好朋友
原来心酸比心痛难受
茫然的走到了门口
倔强还是念旧
我听见我回头说
你们要快乐要天长地久
你们没有错爱是自由
走出这扇门后
至少我还有辽阔
你们要快乐要紧紧牵手
你们不幸福我会难过
成全最爱的人不是为了看着她寂寞
但你说抱歉爱上了我的好朋友
原来心酸比心痛难受
茫然的走到了门口
倔强还是念旧我听见我回头说
你们要快乐要天长地久
你们没有错爱是自由
走出这扇门后至少我还有辽阔
你们要快乐要紧紧牵手
你们不幸福我会难过
成全最爱的人不是为了看着她寂寞
过去曾让你笑得很甜不代表有权利要你纠结
虽然遗憾爱情也有它的季节
风不能吹就作最潇洒的落叶
你们要快乐要天长地久
你们没有错爱是自由
走出这扇门后至少我还有辽阔
你们要快乐要紧紧牵手
你们不幸福我会难过
成全最爱的人不是为了看着她寂寞

True way to know Singapore!!!!

2007-07-31T06:51:00.000-07:00

In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB), And most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD)and get more from you.So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)? With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA),Which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB). And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.When you fall sick and happen to be
admitted to a Money Operating Hospital (MOH), You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund. If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you,And you will be Sure to Give up Hope(SGH). To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE). If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the roads. If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT),OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS). Lastly, under all these pressures, there are
not many places we can relax, not even the good old place we used to go because it has become So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!

Career, Mind & Body

2007-07-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

1) Career-wise
Managed to survive last month. Battle for this month. Endless battles for us. Sometimes i wonder if i am in the right business? Am i doing myself justice? Do i really suit this line n does it really pay me well enough? Lord, make the decision for me.

2) Mind
Ever since Frodo left for Bahrain, i have been missing church services. I find it a hassle to travel there alone. Then again, i find myself travelling to Caesers alone at times too. I am faithless to the Lord. sigh.... Shall start attend to services soon.

3)Body
Everyone who has not seen me for a long time will be shocked when they see me. I have ballooned..... time to do something too...

2007-07-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

People come, People go.
Leaving their footsteps, leaving u in cold.

U tot u left it go,
Truth is it remains in ur dear heart so.

I looked at the pics, memories swarmed over me yet again.
I think, i ponder i wonder....
Would things be the different if it din turn out tat way.
Pointless, yes i know.
Somehow mind n heart dun concur.
Viewing her new pics n profile,
Makes my heart shatter.
Am i feeling this cos i'm lonely?
Yes, No? I dunno

One thing i know is i missed her.
I think of her, think abt her.
Wondering how is she doing... unable to control myself...
I told her... "i miss u"
I shouldn't but i did so.
Weak i think.... maybe my fren AL is rite... she is still deeply entrenched in my heart.
Too many memories n moments to forget.
Too many memories n moments i refuse to let go...
For she is one, the one i still care n love. ( i think)

Past, Present and Future

2007-06-23T08:27:00.001-07:00

This is for You... Encouraging u to go ahead n try it out with him. Like wat u said... Give Love A Chance.

Giving Love A Chance, Taking a risk.
U never know if it's disaster or bliss.

Pondering, wondering and procrastinating.
But dun keep him forever waiting.

Hindered by past,
But as u said.... it's a past.

We grow from every failed relationship,
Helping us to be a better partner.

Like a baby who learns to walk and falls,
She cried but she stood up n tries again.

Ur previous one may have failed.
You cried but stand up and try again.

Be bold n Be brave.
He may be someone tat u craved.... :D

Cheers!

Getting There...

2007-06-18T19:06:00.000-07:00

Last night was a night of booze n fun. Feeling down from a utter failure cos i din even have a chance to get to know her... no chance for her to know more abt me.... no chance for us to progress. She made her decision. She choose him... hence Head and i went for drinks at Detention Class... A pub under our office... Cheap drinks with free food....

3 of us... we had 5 jugs of beers n a bottle of johnnie walker... kkk... juz before u think tat we drank alot... we din finish the johnnie... perhaps still left with a quarter? or less... keke... was really drunk but a little high as i started to speak loudly... i always talk very loudly when i am a little high... tsk tsk

Woke up this morning damn lethargic... but managed to drag myself of my bed... did a overall calculations for this month... i should be there... getting there... appts lined up for the week... if nothing goes wrong... i will surpass my target by half... :)

The worse Monday i had in my entire life

2007-06-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

180607
A day tat i shall remember. First sms of the day... my bro.... sigh... telling me to change my job and all the same old stories.... lecturing me for borrowing the car.... at 26... can't i choose my own career? can't i choose wat i wanna do? And can't i drive? damn! Does he know how well i am doing now? sigh....

Back to office... saw a mail.... from her.... i was happy as i have decided to limit my contact with her. No more morning chats while she on her way to work. No more sms from me in the morning or watsoever. But she took the initiative to mail me. I was happy.... she still thinks of me. :D

Well before u guyz say how bad can this monday be.... here comes the bombshell....

She told me she is accepting tat guy who is after her for 2 years soon... my heart is shattered... though i dun love her yet but somehow i feel an acute pain. As i tot we hit it off well n she began to play a more impt part in my life. A motivator, a driving force. Someone who took over Lishi. When i saw lishi n her bf's pic on the msn at this moment, there was no bid of jealousy. Anyway she feels tat i have not gotten over lishi. But the fact is i have already gotten over... itz been mths. Anyway if that's the decision she is goin to take.... all i can say is tat.... we met too late.

Burnt

2007-06-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

What a way to start my weekend.... as mentioned earlier... she couldn't make it tonite... i was pondering if i should juz heck the car since i have to return it b4 6am the very morning... nonetheless, the temptation of having a car was too unirresistable for me. Furthermore i was hoping tat she might be able to meet up for a while. So SFX3509G here i come!!!

Back home.... BANG!!! shit... i scratched the rear of the car... damn the body kit... so bloody low... how to park!!! assessing damage... not too bad... might not have to repair.

Out i go!!! Met head n went to pick up Dao hong... Bang!!!! i tot the front is scratched now... damn damn damn!!! So upon reaching caeser's the first thing i did was to check the front... phew..... no damage...

On my way home after meeting a client.... Bang!!! front kanna again... went down to check... omg!!! really bad... no choice... went to OCBC n withdrew $200 for my bro-in-law. sigh... $200 poorer... no money liaoz.... :(

Don't Be So Enthu At Times

2007-06-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

For whole of day, i was waiting for today. Cos today i will meet her for dinner n drinks. A meet up just to know her better n for her to know me better. However, to my greatest fear, she has to work overtime. I'm not sure if itz true but i choose to believe her. But somehow deep in my heart, i feel tat she is afraid of me. Perhaps i was too "on"? or too pushy? I dunno cos i felt tat she took it pretty well n tatz y i carried on... but i guess i overdid it....

I'm a little upset now... for i thought i found someone who will finally fill up the void but i guess i think too much. She was not meant to be for me. I think too much.....

New Beginning?

2007-06-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

Pressure sets in and my stand starts to waiver. Did i make a wrong choice, a wrong move to stay or re-enter this industry? I pulled myself up and said ok... last month... make or break.

2 Weeks had passed. Results are there to be seen... obviously i wasn't pushing myself hard enough... if only i had... if only... ya... if only...

Met her thru a fren... added her into our conversation n i think we struck off well... got her number and began to chat... itz nice and i dunno y... less than 1 week or so... i kept thinking abt her. Am i desperate? or i have found the one? hmm...... well... we'll see... friday is our first date... we shall see.. i miss her :P

1 Litre of Tears

2007-04-18T02:15:00.000-07:00

Been watching this Jap drama on youtube for the past few nights. 11 episodes in all, but it was divided into parts. Each part consists of a scene that will melt ur heart, wet ya eyes. Initially i was skeptical about it, since i dun watch jap/korean dramas n i seldom cry.

The first episode, i was hooked. She is so cute!! KAWAII!!! But as usual, u know.. drama... she was the one sick... and there the story goes. Before u start saying... aiyah typical drama la... bros n sis... this is a true story. Watch it and i'm sure u will weep like me. Things essential while watching... a nice pillow and a box of tissues...

Decided to cut down expenses. Hence Head n I had agreed to restrict our drinking sessions to at most twice a week. I think itz time to limit my cigarettes expenses as well. Switch to duty free hoon kee liao... hahaha

Love... Finally i took her photo out of my wallet. Nothing it may seem but it is something big to me. Anyway i did it... and i believe she is past! i hope...

Memories Refused to be Memories

2007-03-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

Start of a week.... bad start... waited for a bloody cab for 40 mins... while waiting, i saw buses 969 & 858. Somehow or rather, i thought of her. I felt pain in my heart, I missed her! I realised i have yet to remove her from me... i should have known tat... if not why would i be keeping her pic in my wallet still? Ha! Kidding myself.... Every conversation with her now is like so distant... we were once so close and now we are like strangers... the tot of tat shudders me... i felt cold n alone.

Went to caesers alone at 5 while waiting for head. Drinking alone yet again.... sigh... i juz dun wish to be home... alone but i'm out alone also wat! ha! irony.... Jimmy n gang came ard at 8. Had dinner then straight to KTV at shenton way... while singing songs those bloody memories came back again... all the songs i sang for her.... sigh... but as i sing.... i looked at jimmy i can see tat he is sad as well... i saw tears forming in his eyes.... yeah... no kidding... i can see how hard he was trying to hold back his tears... then i realised.... maybe i should take part in Project Superstar 3. Maybe Xu Huan Liang will say.... Keith... ni gan dong dao wo.... haha!!!

Talking to Jimmy over the net... think he is my online msn kaki cum confidant. haha... talking to him abt RF too... whahaha how she rejected my advances... sigh... scully if tat time she accept me... we are happily in love now n tat gal wun be in my wallet anymore also... (on ya! she finally put her profile in friendster "in a R/S" sigh....) haha but then again... i not taking RF as a replacement or rebound huh! Anyway... when 2 person chat... itz bad to have 1 tat is upset cos the other will have to console but itz worse to have 2 tat is upset... diaoz...

You loved ur frenz & family.
Then she came into ur life.
She took a portion of love from ur frenz n family.
She left.
That portion of love taken, she took it with her.
Vacant lot, and u never feel complete.
Someone else came along.
She filled the void.
And u start feeling love again.

I guess tat how people get over a failed r/s. I'm trying to see if it works.

2 Days to go :(

2007-03-21T03:25:00.000-07:00

Another 2 more days and that's it. Can i pull off a miracle? Confidence and morale super duper low now. Coupled with certain headaches i'm facing now, i really feel like giving up. Yet i know if i were to give up, things will turn out worse. I can't give up! I gotta bite the bullet and fight on! Body is willing but spirit aint.

Things had remain stagnant like previous post. I went for appts but yet nothing was secured. Perhaps i didn't work hard enough, did i? I am not sure... if i had worked hard, why arent the submissions reflecting like wise? Maybe it's time to pack up and go, maybe....

God pls show me some favour. Bless me...

Trying to be busy

2007-03-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

Been a while. No inspiration to blog, no motivation to blog, nothing to blog abt.
March is the month to make it big. 1 week to closing but the distance to goal doesn't seem to be shortening. Long shot it is, so be it. Lem me do it and keep some mouths shut.

Frenz has been advising me to make a career switch. I can't and i dun wan to. I got to prove them wrong, more importantly, prove myself right in choosing this beautiful career. Can i make it or can i fail? I dunno. I juz got to do my part.

I think she is enjoying her new r/s. "Blessed" she proclaims to the world. Trying to show me tat she found a better man? Maybe she did... Devil enter my thoughts. Bad bad bad... I dun wish to hear she coming to me crying and saying tat the guy went back. hehe... damn bad...

Try to be busy, try to work hard! Endure for a week more! and all will be over in a blink of eye......

Weird

2007-02-02T18:00:00.000-08:00

Its getting weird. Somehow i am not as optimistic as i used to be, not as cheerful as i used to be. Received news that i'm goin to be an uncle very soon.... my sis is pregnant... but i feel no joy, no happiness... worried is how i felt.. what if he decides to leave my sis again? With a baby now... hopefully things will change for the better.

Striving for my Feb Bonus now... still a long way to go but shall try. 18k production to go... will have 3 appts next week.. hopefully everything goes well. Chiong ah!!! Vasan n Khalid dunno doin wat sia... sometimes i really feel i'm like the big brother... haha... motivating them... not so worried abt vasan cos tat young punk is easily motivated... but easily demoralised as well... khalid is more interesting... always keeping to himself.... Guyz... WORK HARD!

Mixed Emotions

2007-01-30T06:03:00.000-08:00

Feeling a little down at this particular moment. Perhaps thinking of someone i should not be thinking of. Ha... Anyway it will go away soon....

Last night went crabbing with Head at sembawang park. Spent ard $20 each on the equipment as well as food.... of cos not forgeting BEER! haha.... Nice weather, nice beer, not bad catch. Ha... but both of us din wan to bring back the traps n crabs and hence gave it to some lucky crabbers....

Had a hard time trying to wake up this morning to go to office. Eventually forced myself to wake up and forced myself again to shower with tat chilly water! *shiverzzzz* Awaiting for my lunch at Michaelangelo's....

1230 pm reached Michaelangelo's at Holland V.... nice place... can bring gals there... but my boss said... if u wanne be with the gal for more than a yr one... u bring here... otherwise... go Fish & Co or some cheaper alternatives. haha.... Had some appetizers... being a MAKAN expert... i had some comments abt the food. The Fried calamari is well done! not over cooked.. soft n tender on the inside n crispy on the outside... nice! had garlic mushrooms.... nice also... mussels with garlic n white wine... nice... mussels in tomato sauce also nice! haha... Red wine served was very good as well... basically everything good la.... Come the main course... i ordered Red Snapper... the portion is BIG! The fish is fresh n overall itz YUMMY! Everyone agreed tat food is good at a reasonable price... Come the desert!!! hehe... i was aiming for the brownie with ice cream... but decided to give it a miss as i was VERY FULL already.. hehe

Back to office... supposed to meet tat "pretty" woman one... but last min she can't or rather she can only have 30mins to spare... With some hidden agenda in me.... i decided not to go meet her... Crazy... expect me to go to her office pass her the coat.... koaz... as if i owe her one... somemore never treat me anything n take me as a sucker... koaz... no way man! Still got the cheek to ask me be more gentlemen! sigh... crazy bitch! Nonetheless... i'll make her pay back 10times... hehe.... (dun offend me ladies) btw.. she still got the face or courage to say she not interested in me.... i nearly PUKED!

Since not meeting her... and as usual, Head called... With my boss Terence, we went The Yard for a supposedly slow drink... yeah.... 1 hr plus... we drank like 1 jug carlsberg, 3 Beamish, 1 pint carlsberg, 1 Brown ale, 1 John Smith... Total damage plus cab fare home $100... siong... no clubbing for me this week liao... Drank too much, too early... we started at 4..... i was so full!!! again.... lastly had to entertain Head for dinner... hehe....

Tmr will be another day.... Meeting from 1-3. Worse thing to do tmr is to meet tat "PRETTY WOMAN" to pass her the coat... sigh... she better give me some biz.... When will my princess is white dress appear????? dun wan the wicked stepmother la.... btw saw a chinese doll in my agency today... wow.... lol... but i think i change taste liao.. goin for the sunshine type... but i muz be sunshine first.. haha now like....... dunno wat to describe myself also... sigh........

Aching Monday

2007-01-29T03:40:00.000-08:00

This morning i had a hard time waking up. Whole body aching from the "siong" badminton session yesterday with head n Rf... Head is quite good lo... anyway... when we reach tat place we say a family of 3... parents with their daughter...hmm i guess at most 12 yrs old. So since i'm not tat good, i told head tat he will pair the Bishan Park Champion to play the parents while i'll make an easy meal from the young puny gal... hehe... i laughed... Btw... of cos this din happen and thankfully it din not... oh boy! tat young gal is so good! Lesson learnt... Bigger doesn't necessarily means better... hehe

Went back home as usual chatting online with again.. head n rf... somehow made me realised i dun have many frenz. hmm...... time to reflect already...

A great start to the week though... close a case today... totally unexpected as there was no news no appts. My fren juz called me and off i went and he signed. hehe... not alot but still a great start... More to come! Luncheon tmr at Michaelangilo... dunno how to spell la... a posh place... muz take photo graph to hao lianz.. but then i got no digicam leh.. my phone also lousy one.. haha see how la... looking forward for tat lunch... a reward for my outstanding performance in DECEMBER... haha

Finally Itz Up

2007-01-28T00:22:00.000-08:00

It took me 45mins n 38sec to set up my PC... Finally i managed to piece everything together. Not tat i'm nuts abt computer but juz tat i had problem finding my stuff... haha... one cable here one cable there... then have to carry the stupid table into my messy room... itz a total mess lah... sigh....

Last night tried to sleep by joining two single sofa together... it was a torture... luckily head called me and we went to seletar dam for a nice cold chat.... well... tat bugger wore a jacket and i was freezing.... it then rained soon after and we headed for Mac! Then tat head went to order MacNugget meal... hungry then eat la... sigh... the glutton me... see liao also cannot tahan so ate 2 pieces.. sigh.. fat again...

By the time i got home was almost 3plus... before tat i was pestered by a stalker... very bad to categorize this fren or buddy of mine but seriously he is getting on my nerves.. n yes.. no typo error... itz a HE!!! He expects me to meet him every 2 days... if i dun do so... he will say i forget abt him... anything wrong?? y treat him like this? many more la... too many to mention... feel like crying sometimes.... last nite he sms me again... sigh... no choice... i had to lie... i lied abt me having a gf... haha... hopefully he will stop bugging me.... oh ya... sometimes he will say... bro care for u... wah koaz... make my hair stand sia... i cannot take it! Itz becoming like brokeback mountian... yeekz!!!

This morning i did a test from RF's blog.... i scored 70 leh.. not bad sia.. but it was quite easy... haha... she quite cold towards me leh... nabehz... can't even proceed to level 2.... maybe i too aggressive... she think i desperate... actually no la... juz feel she quite fun to hang out with nia mahz... sigh....

Anyway... today is a good start for me! At least my computer is up... no more paying $5 to lan shop juz to msn n surf... haha

New Chapter

2007-01-26T21:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah... finally started my new blog. Past is for memories, Future is for creating better memories. So i'm goin start doing so.... was a bad X'mas and New year. However i think things took a change recently. Finally she's out. Or is she? haha anyway, i can't be bothered anymore as well.

House shifting and as a result i got no bed, no tv, no blanket, no pc.... NO LIFE. Right now, i'm typing in a Lan Shop near my place... desperate rite??? but wat to do when my frenz are either out dating or busy... somehow i realised i dun really have any close buddies to hang out with... i was out of the fren circle for almost 3 yrs and now coming back.. quite bad huh... haha

Last monday went out with RF, i think she's a cool n nice gal to hang out with... tat y i asked her out again on tuesday. But mainly cos my hse got nothing n i was damn bored la... Head had an appt so i was all alone yet AGAIN! In the end, head asked me for movie and i joined him... i only knew tat she was there as well when i hopped in his car. I wonder if she thinks tat i purposely go for her... hmm... no no.... Wednesday was the same... nothing to do... asked her out again... she say i quite aggressive wor... haha... scary... now i also dunno wat to do sia... sigh....

Work wise... was a slow n lousy mth. Oh man.... was December a fluke? I hope not... there's so many people i have to prove them wrong. Met a so called "high network" client yesterday... she's nice to talk to... like a da jie jie like tat... but the meeting was supposed to be friendship bonding la.... hopefully few days later she may buy a policy or two from me... heh....

Before i end.... i issue a personal challenge to head.... who always claim he can keep me out of the game... well juz cos i scored more than 10 goals on friday... HEAD... keep me out of the game and i'll open a bottle a chivas for u... if u can't.... u buy me one! onz bo??? haha